One day

Today was hard.  This year has been hard. 2 jobs school and trying to get fit feels nearly impossible. Yet here I am.  My eyes are red. I have dark circles. My muscles feel like death. I hurt almost all the time. Pain. I hate it. I'm working on eating habits constantly. Trying to rid gluten has been pretty tough.  I have gotten much better, but now I can hardly function when I eat grains.  I get so tired and hurt so bad. It's weird honestly.  Sugar is anothe culprit. How does one change everything they have ever known.  My journey continues, today I worked out though. It made me feel so much better. 

Another competition

Another challenge will begin this week.  Orange theory fitness is having a national weight loss challenge. I would need to lose 30-50 pounds to win the $10,000 prize.  Not sure if I can do it, but each day I go stronger. Last week I was able to get into the Orange every time I worked out.  I had 17 one day.... Which has never happened. It's amazing how far my body has come. The weight is still there, but it is stronger. My body is becoming my strength.  Even being sick I accomplished much. 

Habits!

Changing habits

My taste for food is changing.  As I eat a burger and fries, a slice of pizza, or shoving down a snickers I am paying attention to how these foods taste.  Truth is most of them are quite gross. Foods I used to love, are now making me sick to my stomach. 

Mindless eating has always been a talent of mine. I have eaten junk food so frequently throughout my life; that I never really payed attention to how they made me feel, or if they were even worth eating.  Eating many of these unhealthy items is completely out of habit.  Through these past few months I have worked on cutting out gluten products. On days that I am free if the grains I feel much better than the days I eat them. I have also started to eat more vegetables and fruits. Truth is, a homemade meal that incorporates vegetables has amazing flavor. I have found a great love for cooking. My next step in this journey is going to be the hardest. 

I don't lose weight just working out and eating semi heavy.  Over the next few months I am choosing to cut out all junk.I don't expect to be perfect right away, but I want to change.  I desire to become the healthiest me. So by the end of ... Let's say may I am eating clean. 

Beast unleashed

Today was fantastic! During my workout I pushed myself as hard as I could. I tolerated the pain and pushed. I did a lot more running today than I normally do. I can't wait to be able to run without pain in my muscles. 

Because of my push and my trainer, David, giving us a yoga cool down I was at so much peace after my workout. I accomplished a lot today. I can do a pretty good  girly push up on my knees. 10lb weights are now too easy... And I can run longer than 2 seconds. My body is changing and I love it.  I feel good about myself. I am stronger and much happier. As I gain more flexibility I know that these workouts will get even better. 

Energy

As I got to work today I had this overwhelming feeling of joy. I had energy. Not long ago I was relying on monster energy drinks and red bulls to get me through the day. More often than not I was drinking two a day. Even with the energy drinks I still lacked energy. 

I have been working out at Orange Theory Fitness since October 17th. I go 3 to 5 days a week. It has encouraged me to focus on my health. Working out has given me a lot of energy. I have also started drinking more water. 

Our bodies are so amazing! I will now start focusing on my nutrition. It is going to be the hardest part of this journey, but will be worth it. 

Where is my Progress?

So it has been a few months. But I can assure you that I have not quit on my journey. In fact I joined a gym. Orangetheory Fitness. Look them up, they are fantastic!

I have been working out consistently 3 or more times a week since October 17th.  Not much has changed in my weight. as of this morning I weighed 267.7 I HATE the scale. It never changes... no matter my work, my food, or well anything for that matter. IT has been very frustrating. But I can say I am stronger, I do have more muscle mass, and I feel a lot better. Because my goal is not to get skinny, but to become strong.

Each workout is excruciating. Running is really hard for me. My legs are very tight. I feel like I have little balls just pinched in my calves; but I push through it.
 I can tell that I have gotten stronger. I feel trapped by my body. My heart and mind are ready to go; yet there is a fear within me that refuses to push pass the pain. I give up... and I do my workout at an easier pace. Small changes are happening, but I just feel capable of so much more.

Being patient I feel is a huge part of this journey. Something I am slowly learning. I gained weight very quickly. Within a year I went up two dress sizes and gained 70 pounds.  The smallest I have been since my increased weight is 230. That number felt good. I hope I can get back to it. One step at a time... right?

One thing anyone losing weight needs to know though.... is that you must find a way to love yourself.

I love myself because:

I am a good person.
I am patient.
I am great with kids.
I think of others needs.
I am a fighter.
I have overcome many trials.
I am a daughter of God.
I make good choices.
I am beautiful inside and out.

Most recent one I can find.

Go Get it.

OH MY!!

So this past week was pretty great. I got to the gym only two days, but I made those days count!!! I started running on the Treadmill. That is my biggest fear. I started just by walking, then I would jog a bit. The second day I did a lot more running. I was so proud of myself! The whole week all I wanted to do was relive the run. Life got in the way and I had many other obligations that kept me away. 

Being Healthy is time consuming and requires a great deal of time management. Something I need to get better at. So here is to a new week! I get to go see my family in another state... so no gym for the most part... But I have other activities planned.